¡Salud! 10 Totally Enticing, Obscure and Just Plain Strange Mexican Spirits

Sure, I could educate you on Cinco de Mayo history by sharing the details of the 1862’s Battle of Puebla, but I see you reaching for that Party City Fiesta Costume Party Kit—because seriously, what says fuck you France! better than some plastic maracas and a tropical lei? So I’ll spare you the details and broaden your 5 de Mayo drinking horizon.

Yes, Mexico is the land of Tequila, but beyond body shots and afterburn, your Cinco libations could add some punch to your sex life, get you in the mood for Armageddon, and yes, make your intestines bloom.

Longing for a low-cost, drinkable fertility treatment? Read on.

 

10. Midori Melon Liqueur. Launched in 1978 in NYC’s legendary Studio 54 and deriving its name from the Japanese word for the color green, bet you didn’t know the ultimate chick drink is made in Mexico? Produced by Sontori (of Lost in Translation fame), Mexican production of the honeydew spirit started in 1987. Proof: 46 Image source

 

9. Scorpion Mezcal. Get out of the that Tequila funk and say hola to its edgier cousin, Mezcal. Made from the distilled juice of the Agave plant, its spicy burn has been enjoyed by paisas since the 16th century. True to its name, this particular brand ditches the grub and comes with a perfectly preserved—and apparently edible— scorpion at the bottom of the bottle. Best part is, you’ll have the festive little sombrero that adorns its screw cap as a souvenir of your May 6 stomach pumping. Proof: 80 Image source

 

8. Rum Chata. Ever found yourself looking down at your order of rolled tacos with extra guac at 3:00am, taken a long swig of your horchata and thought: ‘geez…if only I could get the shits even faster?’ Well, the good people at Agave Loco Brands got your back with this concoction that consists of Caribbean rum mixed with “real dairy cream” and topped off with artificial flavors that will have you leaping out your foxhole and shooting enemy fire in no time. Proof: 27.5  Image source

 

7. Canned Pulque. When it comes to canned hootch, Mexico is way ahead of the curve, so much so that American giant Jack Daniel’s chose the country to launch a couple of signature canned drinks back in 2009. A decade prior however, Mexican pulqueros had beaten them to the punch. Now if Mezcal is Tequila’s badass ‘cuz, Pulque is its serial rapist uncle who is serving 25 to life, so be careful…Dr. Pepper this is not. According to a published report, the product can not only energize you, but also “reconstruct” your gut flora, and get you in the mood as apparently it’s also an “excellent aphrodisiac.” Your move, Four Loko. Alcohol content: 4.25% and up. Image source

 

6. Cynar. If the term “digestif aperitif” isn’t enough to make your flora wilt, maybe “artichoke-based bitter” is. A part of the Campari family of fine liquors and made in the company’s Guadalajara distillery, its makers suggest it be enjoyed straight-up, or for a “younger flavor” mixed with tonic water, and “softened” with a slice of orange. Or better yet, don’t drink it at all. Proof: 33 Image source 

 

5. D’aristi Xtabentun. Derived from Balche— a centuries-old magic potion that was consumed during the Mayan culture’s rituals, this spirit is made with rum, honey and anise and is produced solely in the Yucatan Peninsula. They already told us when the world is going to end in the biggest spoiler alert in history, so why not just drink ourselves into a 2012 End of Days oblivion while we’re waiting? Best part is, the bottle comes with its own built-in drinking game: sit a group of people around the table and have them try to read the name off the label. Hours of hilarity are guaranteed. Proof: 60 Image source

 

4. Oso Negro Vodka. It’s MySpace general interests statement is simple and to the point: “getting as many people drunk as possible.”  One of Mexico’s two lone vodka’s, when you find yourself drinking “the black bear,” it’s the perfect indicator that your life has hit rock bottom. I’m drinking it straight from the bottle right now. And I’m on MySpace. Proof: 80 Image source

 

3.Licor de Pasita. Native to the state of Puebla where the eponymous La Pasita bar sprouted around the turn of the century, the house specialty is a raisin liquor which is traditionally served in a shot glass with a raisin at the bottom alongside a wedge of goat cheese. The menu is divided into three sections: beginner, advanced and professionals; and a sign by the bar challenges visitors who can break the record of 100 shots ingested in one sitting. According to the owners, one person did back in 1948, and in appreciation they covered his tab and his funeral expenses. Proof: depends on how far you’re walking back, as drinks are served in city block increments. Image source

 

2. Licor de Damiana. Just as Freddie Mercury famously said so long ago, this fat bottomed girl is guaranteed to make your rockin’ world go round. Elaborated with the elusive Damiana flower of Baja California Sur by Guaycura Indians, message boards affirm it’s a natural diuretic, increases sperm count, regulates menstrual cycles, cures asthma and stimulates the ovaries functions. Proof: 60 Image source

 

1. Controy. Hailing from France, Cointreau is dubbed as “the key ingredient in the most famous cocktails,” and a sign of everything posh and continental. Not to be outdone, Mexico launched its own knockoff, Controy, and when it was used to spruce up this drink called a Margarita, a legend was born. How does that saying go? Oh yes, he who laughs last, laughs drunkest. Proof: 80 Image source

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