Stunning Beauty Alert!

Bravo’s Real Housewives of Miami starts tonight with a cast of six women ready to give the succesful franchise some Latin flair with their excessive lifestyles, telenovela-like pasts and stunning beauty.

Expect for the show to be stolen however by one Elsa Patton, mother of Housewife Marysol.

Words fail when trying to describe the all-around fierceness of this hot-blooded momma, and not a lot has been revealed from her past; though based on looks alone, we’re guessing she was the result of fellow stunner Lyn May being gang-banged by everyone in Picasso‘s Guernica (including the horse).

Robert Redford could only wish to be lucky enough to whisper to her.

The medical grade silicone cherry on top? Recently surfaced matching mother/daughter DUI mug shots. Emphasis on the word “mug.”

We can almost hear Elsa’s trademark voice now: Marysol, I’m a woooman of this century, let me borrow your lucky turtleneck.  

ATTENTION BRAVO PRODUCERS: Looking for your biggest crossover runaway hit ever?

Cast Elsa (a self-proclaimed “witch”), alongside La Tigresa and La Tigresa del Oriente on a buddy spin-off, stat! Can you say ‘ratings bonanza’?

Ferociously scratching at her 14 carat gold-trimmed  Emery Cat® Board, Jocelyn Wildenstein must be fuming.

See “before” pics of the reality stunner here.

Screencaps via

One Response to “Stunning Beauty Alert!”
  1. michael says:

    there is nothing fierce about this woman! Pathetic, only a profound level of self loathing would cause a woman to do this to herself.

    This woman is nothing but a lazy soft lush.

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