Honorary Mexican

Today marks the 50th anniversary milestone of President John F. Kennedy‘s inaugural address, and I was happy to honor him as a faux paisano based on his skirt-chasing alone, until I came across this picture of Jersey Shore starlet Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi.

Yes, Snooki trumping JFK is a sad reflection of the current state of the world, but honestly, can you blame me? Look at the perfect ‘natural’ tan, the elegant stretch minidress, the dashing sombrero, the filled to the brim tote bag that would make even my tote bag whore mom weep molasses-thick mascara tears of jealousy, and of course, the pièce de résistance: the rolling Zonkey print suitcase.

Though reportedly of Italian and Chilean descent, having single-handedly kept the Aqua Net® industry afloat, Snooks is a hero not just to my stable of spinster aunts, but to a country in general.

Known for dating the wrong guy, butting her nose in everyone elses business, getting shitfaced just because and stirring shit up at the drop of a [bejeweled] hat,  the younger version of Sábado Gigante‘s La Cuatro is without a doubt the quintessential Mexican ho.

Having said that, never in a gazillion could I have imagined that lighting would strike twice on The Shore, so I was gobsmacked when the eight wonder of the world, Tiffany Rios shone on American Idol, season 10’s season premiere last night.

Yes it’s clear she’s a natural-born diva, yes it’s obvious Steven Tyler wants to bang her, yes her dazzling Zonkey chichis are a sight to behold and of course she has all the makings of a modern-day Gloria Trevi; but today, today, Señorita Polizzi you ARE our J-Woww.

One Response to “Honorary Mexican”
  1. lhC says:

    hahahahahahaha “my tote bag whore mom ” ….

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