Everything I know I learned from watching Telenovelas

No. 7

Maury Povich would be an instant sensation down there, as paternity tests simply do not exist.

Popularized by Mr. Chung, and with versions now available at chain drugstores, genetic fingerprinting tests are more than 99.99% accurate when determining a parent-child relationship. In Telenovelaland however, you’d sooner come across a nice eyepatch-donning person or a set of all good triplets.

That indigenous maid who stole the blonde baby from the rich folk, fled to her rural village and raiser her as her own? She’s in the clear. The sugar heiress with the albino wheelchair-bound husband, an inexplicable black child and a passport filled with Dominican Republic immigration stamps? She’s good too.   

For a preview of how exactly shit would go down if Maury were the new Sheriff in town, scroll to minute 2:00 of the video bellow

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