We start this new section off with a farty bang. The good folks over at Midwest chain Taco John’s are no strangers when it comes to taking a couple of tortillas to the lab, slathering ’em with some pico de gallo, praying to La Santa Muerte and seeing what they end up with.

Case in point, their signature burritos which include a hefty dose of Ranch dressing and a tater tot hybrid by the name of Potato Olés (one such burro is described as “a fistful of flavor” btw).

Per their website:

Our world-famous, crispy, golden nuggets lightly sprinkled with our own secret seasonings. Want to really wow your taste buds? Order a side of Taco John’s Nacho Cheese to dunk your Olés!

Now I love me some melted Frankencheese goo—I’d use it as lube if I could (perhaps whilst getting fistfuls of flavors), but that description just makes my arteries exclaim ¡No más!

The kicker however is a plate of seasonal goodness dubbed Nachos Navidad. Boasting red and green tortilla chips and using the tagline “taste the holiday tradition,” they’re the perfect companion to an ice-cold Cerveza Noche Buena.

Perhaps that new “holiday tradition” they mention, is forcing your toilet to write a Dear John letter and bail. Check out the commercial, voiced by José Feliciano (for shame!) bellow:

What are these “all kinds of delicious things” Feliciano is talking about? Somewhere in a warehouse, the formaldehyde jar holding Pancho Villa’s severed head is flipping over.

Know of any good Franken-comidas? Let us know by commenting below.

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